Video Ethical Wills is the News

"When my father died, it was like a whole library burned down." (Laurie Anderson - "World Without End")

I had the privilege to be interviewed about ethical wills on video for a recent newspaper story. And judging by the reaction and the calls I received after the article appeared, there is a lot of interest in so-called "legacy letters".

It's a very powerful idea: creating a film in which you get to talk to your descendants about the important things in life - from "beyond the grave".
The concept of an ethical will is not so much ego driven as arising from a desire to leave those who follow us with some thoughts, the recounting of experiences - even wisdom - that may help, comfort or even guide them in their own lives.

The difficult stuff
Even mistakes and difficult experiences have a place in an ethical will. Few of us have traveled through life without setbacks and without doing things which we immediately or later regretted. Children sometimes see only the successful side of us, little guessing about the times our achievements fell short of our aims; and mostly not knowing when we straight out did some really bone-headed things.

Why should we take the opportunity of an ethical will on video to come clean? The main reason for recounting the troubling aspects of our lives is to let our children know that set backs and mistakes are not fatal. Surviving is one of the most important lessons of life. Woody Allen supposedly said that 80% of success is just showing up. Well, I would say that 80% of life is just surviving! And how you survived and what you survived is always a story worth telling in a video ethical will.

Estate planning and ethical wills
In my travels, I have noticed that some in the legal and financial communities are slowly recognizing the importance of addressing the spiritual side of a life when making arrangements and estate planning. Some financial and estate planners are indeed encouraging their clients to record on paper or on video their spiritual legacy and I have spoken to a number of professionals who are making this an important value-add in their businesses.

It's true isn't it? We spend so much time worrying about our financial legacy, we don't always allocate enough time for our spiritual legacy or even our historical legacy. An ethical will is certainly a chance to put down in writing or on video what we care about most: Ethical Wills: The Missing Piece of Estate Planning.

Some clients of mine with substantial assets have chosen to pass on their material estates in trusts and bequests set up in deeds and testamentary wills worked out with their attorneys and estate planners - and they explain their hopes and intentions for the use of those assets in an ethical will on video.



Ethical wills versus video biographies
Is there any difference between an ethical will on video and a video biography?

In my book, an ethical will is a indispensable subset of the video biography or life story video. A video biography is documentary that aims to cover the entire life of the subject and which even delves back into the subject's ancestors. A good video biography will reserve a chapter or two in which the subject talks about life's lessons - a good life story video will always include an ethical will component.

Ethical wills are sometimes mixed up with medical or health care proxies. Medical and health care proxies are legal instruments appointing another person as agent to make decisions in the event of the incapacitation of the subject. They are quite distinct from ethical wills and not at all the same thing. What distinguishes an ethical will from medical proxies and even testamentary wills is that the former is not intended to be legally binding while the other two are.

Of course, in close families, your children and family will already know a good deal about your thoughts on Life's Big Subjects. But what of the rest of the family, what of the children of your children? There are always areas worth covering again: like reminding the family how much you love them and how proud of them you are. And an experienced video biographer will be able to guide the subject to cover areas that may be difficult for either the subject or the family to broach across the lunch table, such as: "Are you afraid of dying?"

How much for an ethical will on video?
I like to say that you can test the worth of the whole ethical-will-on-video idea by asking yourself this: What would you give to obtain a personal film of a departed parent, grandparent or even great-grandparent? Let's say that such a video existed, locked in storage, about to be destroyed - with only the payment of back storage fees for it to be released. Who would cavil at paying the fees?

There are experienced professionals who can assist with ethical wills on video. And, it is also an area where families can step in and do it for themselves: Five Steps to a Video Ethical Will.

We will be seeing more newspaper and magazine articles about ethical wills - on paper or on video. And as we enter another year, spend some time planning for a video biography or an ethical will for yourself or someone you care about. Because loss is just as Laurie Anderson sings:

"When my father died, we put him in the ground.
When my father died, it was like a whole library burned down.
World without end.
Remember me."
(From the song "World Without End" on her 1994 album "Bright Red".)

Take the time to save a book or two from the library of your loved one.