"Are you afraid of dying?"

In this blog I will share with you some of the responses I have been given over the years to the question "Are you afraid of dying?" - by the (mostly elderly) subjects of my video biographies.

For me growing up, the scariest question in my mind - and the one I was much too afraid to ask my Nana - was: "Are you afraid of dying?" I don't know if I was more worried about losing her or if I feared for my own mortality. To the old though - at least the ones I have been fortunate to interview over the years, death is seldom a fearsome prospect. Which is kind of great. (It makes me wish I had screwed up enough courage all those years ago to ask my Grandma the Big Question - I bet she would have put my small mind at rest.)

For some people it seems, a sense of cosmic justice allows them to be relaxed about their own death. They may not have been highly observant in church, but they figure that if they haven't caused harm or hardship to others, then if there is a good place people go - they have earned their spot.

"No. No. I am not strongly religious. My brother and I have discussed this. We have both led a good life and we are not ashamed of what we have done in life. And if there is a hereafter... then we are going where everybody else goes." (Wally D)

For others, the question is more about the manner of one's death and a hope that their passing will not be difficult or unpleasant:

"Am I afraid of dying? I don't think so. It will come but I hope I will die in my sleep rather than having to suffer - because my husband really suffered. He wanted to go so badly.

We're all going to die, all of us. So while we are on this earth let's be kind as well." Anne G

Some folks' own near death experiences give them hope and comfort for the future. One ex-Marine told me:

"I died in 1968 - so no, I am not afraid. No. I was at the hospital and a Marine Corps MD shoved a pin into my throat and opened my trachea up. And I was a little pissed at him. Because I could see that big light down there. And I was so peaceful. I don't know how long I was like that - but here I am today." Andrew BMy husband says there is really only one important ambition in all of life - and that is to become reconciled to your own mortality. There is just no avoiding death; as the famous psychiatrist RD Laing pointed out: "Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is one hundred percent." Most of the folks I have interviewed for video biographies have accepted this diagnosis but achieved the ambition of personal reconciliation.

Another gentleman I interviewed last year had suffered numerous previous heart attacks and was battling an illness that it was unlikely he would beat. He drew strength from that:

"Afraid? No. I don't think so. I died, probably, a lot of times already. Maybe this will be it, you know? I am thinking that if the kids just remember me being happy, then that would be just fine." Stan F

A belief in God comforts many, many people. Anne K would die less than a week after she said this to me:

"I have great faith in my church and my God... And that's another thing I would hope the children would recognize: That there is a Power ahead of us that's above us and below us and all around us and f you pray, do the good things, it will come to you. But you have to have a faith which is unbounding". (Anne K)

And this from a former clergyman:

"No I am not. He who accepts the Lord Jesus Christ as his savior will be saved. Salvation is there - God has promised us that." Jim P

Some folks are just too busy to worry too much about death:

"No. When you go you go. Could happen in the next 10 seconds or the next 10 years so why should I worry about it? Worrying is a waste of effort." Roger W

Not everybody I have interviewed was totally relaxed about the subject (but at least they are keeping their sense of humor):

"I am not keen about it (laughs). I don't like the part where they shut you up in a box ... I could ask for a glass top with a door bell inside so if I come to after a week or so I can notify somebody that, hey I am in here! I don't see that you really die dead... So I am a little perplexed about dying." Charlotte M

A number of older people I have worked with passed away this year - some before I had a chance to prepare their video biography. (Only this week I got the very sad news that a very kind man I had interviewed some years ago was battling a terrible illness and was likely to pass very soon - and could I prepare a funeral slideshow. Thankfully for the family, his video biography was already completed.) So the subject of death has been much on my mind lately.

It is comforting to know that for most of us reaching the end of our years, we will be ready. We will fight the good fight and we will "rage against the dying of the light". But the inevitable result will not trouble us - as it has not troubled so many of the wise folks that I have had the privilege so far to interview.