It's not about the toys

I was reading a blog today by Russell Bishop on Huffington Post. He nicely put into words what family history and video biography mean to me:

Distinguish... between material world success (things) and the deeper, more meaningful levels (enriching experiences)... (M)ost of us would prefer inner peace, grace, loving, expansion and caring over material world possessions.

Of course, we all need a basic level of things before we can enjoy those enriching experiences. Most of us remember Mazlow's "hierarchy of needs", his famous 5-level pyramid setting out the foundations for a successful life: physiological needs, safety, love/belonging, esteem then self-actualization. We never get to the higher order needs (like esteem) unless we satisfy the lower order needs (like eating and shelter). Obviously food and shelter are essential things - but some people elevate the drive for things to a competition, i.e. "Who dies with the most toys wins".

I have interviewed hundreds of people in the course of my Your Story Here Video Biography business. Usually, the subjects are over 60 years of age; many are well over 60. The interviews sometimes take 4 or 5 hours. One thing that people almost never mention is the things - the stuff they have acquired along the way.

People remember kindnesses, their parents, fears, challenges attempted and challenges met, friends and siblings, the birth of children. They remember mistakes and they remember successes. They remember falling in love. They remember the name of their first grade teacher more often than you would credit! And though almost everyone wants to talk about their first job and how much they got paid; almost no-one wants to talk about their last job.

No one - so far - has come to the interview with a list of assets or even an outline of their material successes. When the time comes to reflect, I believe the subject knows in their heart what the next generation will truly care about. As Ellen Goodman once wrote:

"What the next generation will value is not what we owned but the evidence of who we were and the tales of how we loved."

Creating a video biography or personal history documentary is a chance to reflect on what one has seen and done and what one has achieved so far. It allows the subject to talk about those who have already passed. It is an opportunity to pass on personal philosophies and hard-won wisdom. It is a gift and a duty to the generations that follow (even if the subject is reluctant) and it is the best chance we have of achieving a kind of immortality.

It's not about the toys.